Really, Why Do I Deserve This?

So my mood just reached its rock bottom once again. But really, nowadays nothing good is happening at all. In its place, a series of unfortunate events constantly take its toll on me. I feel like I am going insane and I don't know how long I will be able to keep my sanity in check. I need nationals to arrive sooner. I need a way to unleash all these bullshit of life, and nationals seems to be the best way to do it since I usually don't get to participate in a match nowadays due to the fact that my team usually wins before it's my turn. Beside, there is someone I must personally kill with my own hands, for the sake of my friend, my mom, and for myself.